


While the Sun is Bright, Or in the Darkest Night...

by ProtoNeoRomantic



Series: As You Are, As You Were, As I Want You to Be [3]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: A rose by any other name, Canon Compliant, Episode: s03e01 Anne, Forgiveness, Freedom, Gen, Grace - Freeform, Identity, Mercy - Freeform, Nameless Women, Names, POV Female Character, POV Second Person, Present Tense, power, self - Freeform, selflessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 19:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1359034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProtoNeoRomantic/pseuds/ProtoNeoRomantic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anne's POV on being Anne.</p>
            </blockquote>





	While the Sun is Bright, Or in the Darkest Night...

**Author's Note:**

> For more information on Canon Compliance, Story Mechanics and Themes, see series description.

"Can I be Anne?" you ask.  An incredible favor. More than you deserve, more than you expect.  

'I don't know, can you?' the sardonic voice of the past corrects/demands.

But Grace gives Grace and Mercy Mercy.  Buffy smiles.  Her slight nod of acknowledgement is enough to answer your question both as you meant it and as others well lost might have thrown it in your face.  

Yes.  You can.  You can be Anne.  

A plastic name tag makes it official, makes it yours, this priceless gift.  

'Things latch themselves on to names.' You read that once, in a story you don't recall the name of, an excerpt in a sixth grade reading book.  About a girl.  Or a ghost.  Or was it only a picture of a girl?  A picture of a ghost?  A reflection in a lake.  It doesn't matter.  You haven't read much since, but this sticks with you.  'Things latch themselves on to names.'

No name has ever stuck to you before.  You who sunshine could not illuminate and darkness could not hide.  You who gave the lie to all the appellations of innocence that optimism could bestow on painted beauty and on gilded love, knowing full well that 'forever' always means 'for now.'  You who stood as helpless as a flower, as useless as a weed contented for others to sow and reap and heap upon you misery or comfort as they would.  You, you, latch on to Anne for all you're worth and more.  You put your faith in Anne to save you.

It happens all at once and gradually.  When Pete forgets that other Anne or calculates that she's forgotten you.  When 'accidental' brushes and casual pats turn to brazen smacks and ugly ultimatums, you don't offer the other cheek as the good Sister would.  You don't curl yourself around him in the dark like Chanterelle, grateful for the recognition.  You don't weep and comply and wait to be rescued as Lily would do.  

Anne would not put up with this, and so you don't.  You walk away.  You throw the farmer's-daughter-fantasy outfit in his face, plastic name tag and all, wanting nothing that is his.  You don't need a tag.  You have a name.  You can be Anne.  You can be.  There are other jobs.

You don't call Buffy, who will think of you as Lily, still and always, as someone who needs to be checked on.  You don't need to be checked on.  You Steel yourself.  You Steal yourself, and walk once again into the howling wastes of friendless, disconnected life.  You can be Anne.  You can be, and you will.

The time has come.  You don't know when it came, but it has come.  The time when you don't have to fake it, don't have to ask yourself 'what would Anne do if she were in my shoes?'  Because she is.  Anne is with you always.  She flows in your veins and sings in your voice like God's own mercy.  

'Things latch themselves on to names' and all that you are is Anne.  All your sin, all your pain all your glorious, righteous, rightful uncertainty.  Your past is yours again, and with it your future.  Your Forgiveness.  Your Love.  Your Anne.

You're Anne.

 

 


End file.
